The Language of Room 3111.

A few days ago Jasmyn and I were laughing about all of the ridiculous things we say. She stopped for a second and then asked, "I wonder if people who had just learned English would be able to understand what we say. We talk so different from how we are supposed to!" (Deep, I know.) So then I thought.. I wonder if people who have spoken English their entire lives would be able to understand what we say! So today I'm going to write a little conversation so you can see how we talk.. and then you can try to decode it if you'd like. But I'll translate it for you a little below it. Here we go. Welcome to a day in the life:

J: goodmorning!

H: holla hollaaa.

J: girl i just wanted to sleep in but i had to go to tops -_- we're going to go to bed early tonight. fo real.

H: that sucks.. i slept through stats... again. (fart) YUP. he he.

J: i was in a fight with Henry this morning.

H: fo real?!

J: yeah.. abso the worst.

H: totes bagotes.. we need a new one for sursies.

J: srsly. so will you be home tonight around 5?

H: probsies.. if not i'll put a magnet in.

J: coo. so what are you doing today?

H: idk.. probs just class and then the libs til dinner. and then i'll just head to the wilk and watch some of my high class tv til then. thug lyfe.

J: adorbs.. i'll probs just go to the libs and take some dry froo with me to eat. VAMPY DIARIES TONIGHT! do you know when the lala is?

H: the basketball game?

J: yup.

H: um... 7? 6? 8? i'm not fasho on that. so that's dumb.

J: you are really dumb. fo real. teeheee. just kidding just kidding just kidding.

H: k well imma go to geog.. deuces.

J: seeya beez!

And this is how the conversation would go with anyone else:

J: Goodmorning!

H: Oh, Good morning!

J: I really wanted to sleep in, but I had to go volunteer for American Heritage.

H: That sucks, I didn't go to class as usual. (flatulence) Excuse me!

J: The toilet wasn't working this morning.

H: Really?!

J: Yeah, absolutely the worst.

H: Totally.. we need a new one for sure.

J: Seriously. So will you be home tonight around 5? Because I haven't been able to find my keys in 2 weeks so I'm implying that I'll need you to be there to let me in.

H: Probably, if not I'll leave a magnet in the door or something. Or I'll forget and you'll just have to go through Hannah and Cora's.

J: Cool. So what are you doing today?

H: I'm not sure.. probably just class and then go to the library til dinner. And then I'll just head to the CougarEat and watch Bad Girls Club til I come back. I'm cool like that.

J: How cute. I'll probably just go to the library and take some dried fruit with me to eat. Vampire Diaries is on tonight! Do you know when the thing is?

H: The basketball game?

J: Yeah.

H: Um.. 7?6?8? I'm not really sure.. sorry.

J: You are really dumb. Fo real. (in reference to the video of the Lincoln Park Rapist). Teehee. Just kidding just kidding just kidding (in reference to SNL, must be said in a quiet voice at least 3 times).

H: Well I'm late for Geography. Peace.

J: Bye BFF! (beez can either mean b*tch or best friend.. the one being called the beez gets to decide. It's the rules.)

So there you have it. The real way to hold conversation if you want to fit in with us. Just sayin, better start studying that language.

Poost.

This post is dedicated to my hot mama and her "partner" (in crime, I hope) Laura Bro. That's because it's all about pranks related to bathroom item number 2. That's right, poop. Viewer discretion is advised.

I used to follow a blog called Mormon Bachelor Pad. It is written by a few guys that live in Utah, and just goes over their ridiculous makeout escapades and what not, pretty funny. They served their missions in Ireland, and once there was an entire post about POOST. You might be asking yourself, what is poost?! Well let me explain. Excuse my not lady-like vocab here. You take a pringles can, take care of your fecal matter in the can, put an address on it, and send it to someone. Usually an enemy, or something along those lines. 2 business days later, they get a package and feel excited to open it, only to discover your lovely present to them. Mail in Ireland is called post. Post + Poop = Poost. The idea of doing this has always just cracked me up when it comes to mind, in fact as I typed that last little bit I was smiling in a way that I'm sure was weirding out some of the innocent library attendees. I told my roommates about the idea of poost.. immediately looking towards the pringles can on Jasmyn's shelf. Very funny. But there is no way you will ever receive poost from me, that's just yucky.

The next item was discovered a few weeks ago when my mom and Laura were visiting my dorm while in town. Laura used the bathroom, and then we left for a movie. On the way there I got a call from Hannah, wondering why the heck there was poop on the floor and barf in the shower. I panicked for a minute, then remembered hearing Dane tell me about some fake poop that his mom had put in Ellis's bed one day. They had gotten us good! Needless to say, the poop has been a hit. We pass it back and forth, hiding it in random places until people find it and are grossed out. I'm pretty sure it's just hanging out on the bathroom sink right now... should be interesting to see how that goes over during the cleaning check on Tuesday!

Well, I think that's all I can share (in honor of preserving some sort of lady-like qualities). And if fake poop shows up around your house... blame my mother!! Happy poosting!

Long Time No Post!

Well, I just kept telling myself I would post when I had some extra time, and before I realized it, Kristi Sexton was reminding me that I hadn't posted in almost a month! So it's time to catch up. I'm going to go with my top 10 favorite things I've done in the last month to make it so great :] There are in no specific order.. I'm just posting as it comes to me.

1. Disneyland! I went home for Pedro's baptism, and I got to take a few hours on Friday afternoon to head to Disneyland with my mommy. It was SO fun! I just love it. The atmosphere and everything! The lines were incredibly short and we got to do all of the rides we wanted, which was awesome for such a beautiful day. Loved it!

2. Decorating for Christmas! Why yes, it is November 13th. Why yes, our room IS decorated for Christmas :) We took a trip to Wal-Mart to get some cute little decorations, and put them up immediately! It is just so adorable and cheery in here now. We rationalized doing it right now because we won't be here for a week at the end of the month for Thanksgiving, and we won't be here for all of Christmas.. so we needed to see the decor for a month of time and this was the easiest way to do that. Now I just need to gather up my Christmas music selection!

3. Mail! This week was such a great week for mail. As you may recall, I don't get a whole lot of mail, and there are very few things that make me happier than getting letters. The first one came from my sweet cousin Adam (thanks Cherri, too!). It was the most adorable thing, I showed it to every girl I saw on the way to my dorm. He's written BYU on the paper in blue crayon, and it's absolutely adorable. And if things couldn't get any better, I got an awesome package from the ever thoughtful and sweet Dane Brodowski. I loved it! It was just so so sweet. I really appreciated it! Such a great mail week.

4. This one goes out to my adorable zebra Scentsy. I didn't pack it when I came up for college the first time, so when I came back from going home, I made sure to bring it. It's the best! Our dorm smells phenomenal the vast majority of the time (except for a few times... teehee) and we get lots of compliments on it. Plus it's not going to light the place on fire when we forget to turn it off when we leave, which happens quite a bit.

5. BYU Basketball started! I'm so so happy! We went to the game last night, and it was super duper fun. They gave out free shirts to the first 1000 people (I think that was the number), but there weren't shirts on our seats. A guy that we went with ran down to the lower seats and grabbed a bunch, so we all got one! We smoked Fresno State (or Fre-snot as Starlee and I referred to it), and had a blast. Kind of an awkward moment- there were guys sitting behind us but I wanted to stand on the seat to be able to see better, so I turned around to ask him. I couldn't get it attention, so not thinking I more or less laid my hand on his stomach. He looked alarmed.. but I was able to stand on the seat so no bigs.

6. Pedro got baptized! I didn't get to see him very much, which was a huge bummer, but I loved being there to see him get baptized. It was an awesome blessing. I had to bail out immediately to make my flight so I didn't get to talk to him (tear for sure), but it was great to go home and see everyone, along with seeing him make such a great decision. I am so glad that I was able to support him. I love you Pedro! (gfl's for sure.)

7. The Great Major Debate. This has commonly become known in our dorm as the "major of the day," due to the fact that I change what I decide that I want to major in on a daily basis. But I think I've finally found one that I feel so excited about- it seems to be sticking! I hope it'll last more than just these few days though.. haha. So what is the major? (My mom is so happy about this.) History Education.. and then heading on to Law School! I'm so excited for the challenge. I've just got to get to the department center to talk to the advisors and get it all declared. Excited? Yes.

8. The recent collection of old school pictures that have been shared on facebook. Kassie Sminn started the craze, and I have LOVED looking at all of the old pictures of us. I got a nice little collection of them from Dane in my package the other day, and they are just adorable. I wasn't always the cutest kid......... but the memories in them just make me smile so much. So cute!

9. The Relief Society meeting I got the privilege of going to at 8am on a Saturday morning. NOT. The meeting itself wasn't fun, but we had some good times at it I'd say. Played some MASH, learned the incredible skill of text bombing, and got a sweet back scratch courtesy of Ashley Andersen. The meeting really wasn't too beneficial.... not really applicable for us. But as bitter as I was the whole time (which Starlee and Ashley can no doubt attest to), it was not too shabby.

10. My 2nd Geography Exam! I failed the first one (at least that's what I think 50% means....) and it really fired me up to do much better on the 2nd one. I worked really hard on everything between the 2 tests and went into the test with a C instead of the D I had earned. I studied so hard for weeks on end, and just took the test on Thursday. Result- total domination. I owned that test! I won't get my score for a few weeks because the TA's have to grade 300 entirely written tests before they release the scores.. but I feel so great about it. I can do it!

So there we have it. An awesome month :) Also, I'm going to go back to writing this a lot more regularly.

It is my Pleasure to Introduce...

Anthony the Fridge! I think he felt kind of neglected after the post about Henry the Toilet, and that's why he's decided to act up to get some attention. You might be asking yourself, "What could a refrigerator possibly do to act up?!" Well let me show you. Why yes, those are half gallons of milk with the lid off. Why yes, we are holding them upside down without lids on. But why, then, are they not spilling? Because they are FROZEN. That's right. 2 half gallon solid containers of milk. All I wanted was some cereal, but now all I have are 2 huge milk popsicles. Which probably wouldn't taste as delicious as you might think it sounds. We turned down the temperature after that, but we just can't seem to find a happy temperature for it. Either our food doesn't freeze or everything that gets relatively close to it turns into a huge ice block.

In other news, my mom isn't doing very well right now. She just found out she has Bell's Palsy, which more or less means that half of her face is paralyzed for a few weeks until the muscles stop freaking out. She's already requested that we minimize the pirate jokes, but sometimes I just can't help myself. Last night we decided to make a video for her to possibly ease the pain, featuring "Everything She Wants" by her all time favorite- Wham! A little blast from the past for you all. Feel better soon!

The Sweet Smell of Sulfur.

Last night was quite the adventure for me. I was all set for a lovely night of the gym and a paper (quite a rowdy Saturday night, I know), when Shelby tagged me in a post on facebook. And that's when I saw the link to the Hot Springs. About 10 minutes later, we were heading over to Budge to go get Will (we designated him the body guard). It took him about 4 trips up to his room to be ready.. in this order: First trip, needed a towel. Second trip, needed Advil and a jacket. Third trip, forgot his towel when he came back and needed to go get it. Fourth trip, forgot his pretzels. Next we stopped at a Texaco for some gas, since Chevron costs too much. Then onward to Wal-Mart to grab some flashlights, which turned out to be our best investment, but the line to check out was just short of 14 million people long.. so it ended up taking longer than we thought.

Then we started on the drive to the hot springs. It was about a half hour drive, and we spent a little bit of it sure we were going the completely wrong way. We finally got to the turn off, and waved down some guys to make sure we were on the right road. I started freaking out about the fact that there were most likely 230 rapists hiding all over the place, just waiting for innocent college students to go on a late night hike so they could grab them. I voiced my opinions to everyone, and that's when Will decided to ease my worries with list after list of the ways that they could hide and trick us so that they could get us. It really made me feel safe about where we were. We got out of the car, and started following a big group of guys through the forest to the hot springs. It was an hour walk, which was super cold but it was pleasant. I'm pretty sure Will was shocked about our topics of conversation, but I decided it was best for him to really get to know us while we were in the middle of the woods when he couldn't really run away. We finally made it to the springs, and it was FREEZING standing in just a swimsuit while we got into the little pools. The first one we got in was luke warm, and that was a bust til we moved to a lower one which was muuch warmer. After we had done some lateral thinking puzzles (yeah, so maybe that does sound nerdy), we decided it was time to leave. I was the first one to get out and walk over to our things, and for some reason I thought one of the pools was flat ground.. probably because the color of it was a milky white which kind of looked like the ground.. and I full on fell into the pool. It was funny, til my foot hurt and when I got home my foot was cut and my sock was kinda bloody. Yuck. On the way back we were all starving, so we made a nice little pit stop at McD's for a late night snack. It was a super fun trip! It was much better than being productive and writing my paper like I was supposed to do. Looks like I'll just have more work to do today.. worth it!

Church today was great, it was a good sacrament meeting. Cora spoke, and she did a great job! Then Sunday School, which was better than usual, and Relief Society. I love love love Relief Society. It's fun to just be with a bunch of girls.

I eat the awkwardness.

Thursday! And you know what that means? Tomorrow is Friday! Superior deductive reasoning, I know, I get that a lot. I'm so excited for my family to get here tomorrow night! I've missed Callie and Grantypoo.

Today has been rather eventful. English class, reading, power nap. I had a review session for Geography, and I thought it was at 7 but apparently it was at 6. So I completely missed it, which is bad news for the test tomorrow. Perhaps I'll just beg skinny kid for his notes tomorrow.. seems to work out pretty well for me.

In other news, I'm addicted to Desperate Housewives. If anyone has seasons 3, 4, and 5 on DVD, I am begging you to send them to me. I'll pay for the postage. They only have 1, 2, 6, and 7 on Hulu and that's a killer.

Jasmyn and I had a pretty intense conversation about R.Patts tonight (Robert Pattinson) and whether he is hot or not. (correct answer: NOT.) But if you feel differently, feel free to voice the opinion. We also covered the merits of awkwardness, and how crucial and fun it is to have awkwardness in day-to-day life. To quote her: "I eat the awkwardness. I had it for breakfast this morning." It's basically my new favorite line. Also, we've decided to adopt snogging into our normal conversation. So join us in this cause. Thanks.

Parking Booth from Hell.

Well it feels like it's been a little while since I've posted. This weekend was SO fun. Dane was here for conference, and it was so great to see him again! We had a ton of fun partying. I loved seeing Kandice, Britt, Eugene, Kellie, Brad, and all the other wonderful people that I don't see very much! Friday was Jasmyn's birthday, so Hannah and I ran to WalMart and got some super cute birthday decorations for the room. She got some legit flowers from her family, and our room still smells like them. I LOVE it! On Saturday we went to in-n-out, which was nice since I was definitely having some withdrawals. And despite what Shelby says, I don't think it's cheating on California to eat it in Utah. Although the experience wasn't exactly the same. Sunday was conference, and then I took Dane too the airport. And now for the story of the parking pass.

So there I was, at the SLC airport to drop off Dane. I parked the car and walked in. Before we parked you had to stick a debit/credit card into a machine so that it marks when you get there, or just get a little ticket and pay with cash. I didn't have any cash on me (remember that for later) so I used my debit card. Took Dane inside, said goodbye, came back out, got in the car, headed to the exit. Got to the exit. Put my debit card in the machine to leave.. and it says INVALID. again. and again. and again. I'm not sure how many times I put my card in there, but it just kept rejecting me. By now, there's a line of about 7 cars behind me waiting for the idiot at the front to work the machine right. I push customer support, and the guy tells me I'm just going to have to go to a cash line so that an attendant can help me. So then they have to send someone to back out all 7 of the cars so the idiot (me) can get to a cash line. So then I get to a cash line, and someone else at the front is having an issue, so they have to back out all of us to move to a different line. By now, I've been in line for a half hour which sucks because they charge in 10 minute increments. I finally get to the front of the cash line, and find that the attendant doesn't speak English in a very fluent manner, which is always a sign that things are going to go super smooth. He takes the card, swipes it, and it continually doesn't work. He then proceeds to tell me that they need some sort of ID, and, being the genius I am, I realized that I had left my drivers license at home on my desk. I didn't think it'd be a big deal, so I gave him my BYU ID card. Turns out that wasn't good enough. He then asks me if the car is stolen, and if there is any way that I can prove that it isn't.. which is awesome since it isn't even my car. It's Shelley's. At this point I'm so so frustrated I just start crying, which is freaking him out big time. He calls a supervisor to come help out, and then supervisor then tells me that if they can't get the card to work and they can't find my car on the video tape of people coming in, I would have to pay the maximum fee for the day and an extra fee for ticket loss. Which totals up to $48. THAT I DON'T HAVE. They try to play the tapes to find my car, and they stop working about 3 minutes before I claimed that I had arrived. Which was awesome. Next, they tell me that I have used a different card. That's right, tell, not ask, which I find especially humorous since my debit card is the only card I have that would work on the machine. What did they think I was swiping? My H&M gift card? And then I got angry. I mean really really angry. There was no way I was paying the stupid $48 because their little machine wasn't working. So I told them that, and it turned into an argument including me saying "Well then I guess I'm going to live in a parking structure for the rest of my life because I'm not paying your stupid fee." Holly Smith = Captain Maturity. By some small miracle I look down and saw a 10 dollar bill on the ground, quite possibly Shelley's, quite possibly the answer to my prayers. With all of the time that I had spent sitting there arguing and being accused of stealing a car and attempting to use another card that I don't have, my parking fee had totaled to exactly 10 dollars. Which I payed, and left. Angry. Very very Angry.

So there you have it. Moral of the story: Don't use your debit card. Just take the dang ticket and pay with cash. Or you'll sit there for an hour crying to a man who speaks no English. What an enlightening experience.