The Rules of Black Friday

I know it's a few days after Black Friday, but I decided it was a better idea to post this after the actual day. That way, not everyone would know our incredible tricks to making the most of this excellent shopping holiday. I figure by the time next Black Friday rolls around, you will have forgotten about this, and we will dominate you in the shopping experience. So here we have it: the set of rules that my mom has taught me, and I will teach. I'm documenting these for posterity.

1. You HAVE to get there early. There is no thrill of shopping without knowing you spent time dedicated to waiting for it. It's rude to show up late and expect the same deals as those who froze their buns to the early morning cement for that $1.96 Bourne Identity movie.

2. Either eat before or after the shopping, not during it. Want to make a pitstop at Jamba Juice or Starbucks on the way? NO. It forces you to either take up a free hand that could be used for digging, or limits your ability to haphazardly throw things into the cart because you could spill your beverage. This year, we tried something new.. cadbury eggs in a ziplock bag, just incase you need a little sugar rush. But DO NOT give one person the bag to carry the whole day, it is best to divide them into little ziplocks for each individual. The chances of finding the designated bag holder are slim, and it takes their hands away too.

3. Plan your trips to the bathroom wisely. There is no worse feeling than knowing that you are missing out on the $3 toaster because you couldn't contain your number 2. My mom actually wore depends this year to help herself out on that one. JOKING. She didn't. But if you really really can't control yourself, it may not be that bad of an idea.

4. Prioritize! The ads the night before are crucial to know what stores you are going to, and to what doorbuster you would like to find first! (doorbuster: an incredible deal that is usually on the first few pages of the ad. you WILL have to fight someone to get these.) Which is more important- the $10 mixed pajama set? Or the $40 Disney Barbie set?! It might help to have other people there to help you. Which brings me to my next point.

5. Team Members. Black Friday shopping alone? Not as easy. Ever heard the term "divide and conquer"? Because it more or less is crucial for a strong shopping experience. My mom had kids for 2 reasons: chores and Black Friday. Where would she be without Callie to sprint to the men's section to grab some flannels? Or me to run with Kassie to find Toy Story 3? I'm thinking I'm going to make some jerseys for next year. Also, I want to start a website for people who must shop alone. They'll be able to rent team members for maximum deals.

6. Dress for Success. Picture this: it's 1:30 in the morning in Palm Springs.. somewhere in the 40's temperature wise. You have to wait outside Kohl's for an hour and a half, but you know once you get inside it will be mega warm due to running people and lack of personal space. Layering is key. Only wear jackets that you can easily remove without messing up the hair-do and you can tie around your waist. This goes back to the having free hands situation. Also, throwing it in the cart is a dangerous move. It might be tossed to the wayside to accommodate for slippers and Wii games. It might help you feel more powerful to hear some power music in the background. Such suggestions include 7 Nation Army by the White Stripes, Eye of the Tiger, and maybe some 50 Cent to get in touch with your inner thug while you shop. Might help you fight people if you need to.

7. Utilize maps. This year, Target put up maps of the store with keys to the doorbusters and what not. GENIUS. Why is this so important? We shopping in Palm Springs this year, which means we were unfamiliar with the store layout. Although we went the day before on a reconnaissance mission (that is not a joke), it's not easy to memorize a new Target. Maps are key.

Well there you have it! Happy deal shopping! Thanks to my mommy for properly instructing me in the ways of Black Friday shopping. Woohoo.

Palm Espringys!

Palm Springs! (aka Palm Espringys) This is how the day usually goes: Wake up (typically early thanks to my mom singing for us to wake up), eat some breakfast, head to the pool and sit in the 100 degree weather for as long as we can tolerate, come inside, shower and get dressed, head out to dinner, late night hot tub run. But this year, things are just different. The main difference is that it is about 60 degrees here during the day at 50 degrees at night. Pleasant?! I THINK NOT. So our little daily schedules have changed, usually involving hanging out inside and watching way too much DisneyChannel (thanks Cal).

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I'm going to pick some things that I was thankful for today.

1. Racist jokes. Yeah, I said it. I like that kind of humor. People like to giggle silently and act like they're secretly offended, but then when we lay in bed at night and review our day, we remember the racist joke and how funny it was. Well guess what. I laugh in the moment too. I love racist jokes. Tonight at Hibachi (yumm) our chef was cracking racist jokes all night. So so funny.

2. Towels. My mom is a pool junkie, so she forces us out to the pool even when it's 60 degrees. She lured me with a smoothie, and at that point I didn't stand a chance. So i headed out. It was super cold, so I made a little cover for myself out of towel. 5 of them, to be more specific. At one point I wanted to roll over, so Kassafrass was kind enough to put the towels on me while I was laying on my stomach. Also, she touched my feet. EW.

3. Christmas songs with my name in them. OH WAIT. I actually hate that. So let's scratch that off my list.

The Actual 3. Just Dance 2! So fun. We've spent the whole night playing.. it's very funny. My goal for this game is to somehow convince my dad to do it. One day, maybe.

4. Aveda Shampoo! Seriously the best smell ever. I'm all over it. I make everyone smell my hair. Except Callie thinks it smells bad, if you were wondering. I looooove it!

5. Neon Sports Bras. Yes, I am thankful for them. They're SO cute! I'm not sure who decided they were so cute, but I'm excited for finding them.

6. Facebook. I'm a facebook stalker, but I'm pretty open about it. Chances are I stalk you! It's just so fun to know what's going on with people, because I'm nosy about it. But I think it's socially acceptable (or at least MORE socially acceptable) if I am open about it.

Home Is Where the Heart Is.

I'm home!! This Thanksgiving, I'm giving thanks for Thanksgiving. That's right. Giving thanks for the actual holiday. Why? Because without it I wouldn't be sitting in the Starbucks at Beach and Chapman, waiting for my brother to finish his Kumon. (by the way: the smell of starbucks makes me SO happy.. downside: you literally smell like this for the rest of the day.) There are very few things that do it for me quite like California does.

In other news, I got a job! Ever heard of the text company ChaCha? Well if you haven't: this is how it works. You send any question you have to 242-242. You can ask anything from movie times, to relationship advice, to what a turduckin is if you're not sure. (turduckin: a duck stuffed inside of a chicken, stuffed inside of a turkey. yum.) ChaCha has a couple thousand people looking up answers on their computers, and they text the response back to you. Well guess what! I'm officially a question-answerer! It's super fun! It's not the highest paying job, but the fact that I get to work from my computer whenever I want trumps that.

You know when people always say that you are just like your mom? And it's not always the best thing? Well recently I've decided to start documenting all of the things that I do that are like my mom.. and while some people might be bothered by it, I found it to be a rather humorous list. So here we go:

1. I plan my entire Christmas gift-giving list by mid November. It's on a spreadsheet on my computer- don't you dare try to look it up and find out what it says, though. One year I snuck onto my mom's computer and looked at the list- it wasn't a great idea. Mom found out, all hell broke loose, and ever since I don't open up ANYTHING on my mom's computer, assuming she lets me touch it.

2. I get extremely excited when the bag I'm checking to fly only weighs 46 pounds, because then I know I can shop for up to 4 pounds of things and still make it on safely when I fly back.

3. I was secretly excited to go with her to pick out a table display for the Christmas party at Church.

4. After about 12 pm, everything gets about 10 times funnier. The only difference between me and my mom is, this happens to her sometime around 8 pm. Okay maybe 9, but definitely by 9 pm.

5. I tell myself I'm just going to run into Target for a few minutes, and walk out an hour later with at least 2 things I didn't plan on buying.

6. The other day I dropped the phrase "In your true heart of hearts." This one is the only one on the list that discourages me.. my mom likes to use that phrase, but I hate it with a firey burning passion. And now I'm casually saying it.

7. I care just as much about how the present is wrapped as what is inside it. I want a bow that is flat on the bottom, and coordinates nicely with the mega cute wrapping paper.

Well what can I say, I am my mother's daughter.

The Language of Room 3111.

A few days ago Jasmyn and I were laughing about all of the ridiculous things we say. She stopped for a second and then asked, "I wonder if people who had just learned English would be able to understand what we say. We talk so different from how we are supposed to!" (Deep, I know.) So then I thought.. I wonder if people who have spoken English their entire lives would be able to understand what we say! So today I'm going to write a little conversation so you can see how we talk.. and then you can try to decode it if you'd like. But I'll translate it for you a little below it. Here we go. Welcome to a day in the life:

J: goodmorning!

H: holla hollaaa.

J: girl i just wanted to sleep in but i had to go to tops -_- we're going to go to bed early tonight. fo real.

H: that sucks.. i slept through stats... again. (fart) YUP. he he.

J: i was in a fight with Henry this morning.

H: fo real?!

J: yeah.. abso the worst.

H: totes bagotes.. we need a new one for sursies.

J: srsly. so will you be home tonight around 5?

H: probsies.. if not i'll put a magnet in.

J: coo. so what are you doing today?

H: idk.. probs just class and then the libs til dinner. and then i'll just head to the wilk and watch some of my high class tv til then. thug lyfe.

J: adorbs.. i'll probs just go to the libs and take some dry froo with me to eat. VAMPY DIARIES TONIGHT! do you know when the lala is?

H: the basketball game?

J: yup.

H: um... 7? 6? 8? i'm not fasho on that. so that's dumb.

J: you are really dumb. fo real. teeheee. just kidding just kidding just kidding.

H: k well imma go to geog.. deuces.

J: seeya beez!

And this is how the conversation would go with anyone else:

J: Goodmorning!

H: Oh, Good morning!

J: I really wanted to sleep in, but I had to go volunteer for American Heritage.

H: That sucks, I didn't go to class as usual. (flatulence) Excuse me!

J: The toilet wasn't working this morning.

H: Really?!

J: Yeah, absolutely the worst.

H: Totally.. we need a new one for sure.

J: Seriously. So will you be home tonight around 5? Because I haven't been able to find my keys in 2 weeks so I'm implying that I'll need you to be there to let me in.

H: Probably, if not I'll leave a magnet in the door or something. Or I'll forget and you'll just have to go through Hannah and Cora's.

J: Cool. So what are you doing today?

H: I'm not sure.. probably just class and then go to the library til dinner. And then I'll just head to the CougarEat and watch Bad Girls Club til I come back. I'm cool like that.

J: How cute. I'll probably just go to the library and take some dried fruit with me to eat. Vampire Diaries is on tonight! Do you know when the thing is?

H: The basketball game?

J: Yeah.

H: Um.. 7?6?8? I'm not really sure.. sorry.

J: You are really dumb. Fo real. (in reference to the video of the Lincoln Park Rapist). Teehee. Just kidding just kidding just kidding (in reference to SNL, must be said in a quiet voice at least 3 times).

H: Well I'm late for Geography. Peace.

J: Bye BFF! (beez can either mean b*tch or best friend.. the one being called the beez gets to decide. It's the rules.)

So there you have it. The real way to hold conversation if you want to fit in with us. Just sayin, better start studying that language.

Poost.

This post is dedicated to my hot mama and her "partner" (in crime, I hope) Laura Bro. That's because it's all about pranks related to bathroom item number 2. That's right, poop. Viewer discretion is advised.

I used to follow a blog called Mormon Bachelor Pad. It is written by a few guys that live in Utah, and just goes over their ridiculous makeout escapades and what not, pretty funny. They served their missions in Ireland, and once there was an entire post about POOST. You might be asking yourself, what is poost?! Well let me explain. Excuse my not lady-like vocab here. You take a pringles can, take care of your fecal matter in the can, put an address on it, and send it to someone. Usually an enemy, or something along those lines. 2 business days later, they get a package and feel excited to open it, only to discover your lovely present to them. Mail in Ireland is called post. Post + Poop = Poost. The idea of doing this has always just cracked me up when it comes to mind, in fact as I typed that last little bit I was smiling in a way that I'm sure was weirding out some of the innocent library attendees. I told my roommates about the idea of poost.. immediately looking towards the pringles can on Jasmyn's shelf. Very funny. But there is no way you will ever receive poost from me, that's just yucky.

The next item was discovered a few weeks ago when my mom and Laura were visiting my dorm while in town. Laura used the bathroom, and then we left for a movie. On the way there I got a call from Hannah, wondering why the heck there was poop on the floor and barf in the shower. I panicked for a minute, then remembered hearing Dane tell me about some fake poop that his mom had put in Ellis's bed one day. They had gotten us good! Needless to say, the poop has been a hit. We pass it back and forth, hiding it in random places until people find it and are grossed out. I'm pretty sure it's just hanging out on the bathroom sink right now... should be interesting to see how that goes over during the cleaning check on Tuesday!

Well, I think that's all I can share (in honor of preserving some sort of lady-like qualities). And if fake poop shows up around your house... blame my mother!! Happy poosting!

Long Time No Post!

Well, I just kept telling myself I would post when I had some extra time, and before I realized it, Kristi Sexton was reminding me that I hadn't posted in almost a month! So it's time to catch up. I'm going to go with my top 10 favorite things I've done in the last month to make it so great :] There are in no specific order.. I'm just posting as it comes to me.

1. Disneyland! I went home for Pedro's baptism, and I got to take a few hours on Friday afternoon to head to Disneyland with my mommy. It was SO fun! I just love it. The atmosphere and everything! The lines were incredibly short and we got to do all of the rides we wanted, which was awesome for such a beautiful day. Loved it!

2. Decorating for Christmas! Why yes, it is November 13th. Why yes, our room IS decorated for Christmas :) We took a trip to Wal-Mart to get some cute little decorations, and put them up immediately! It is just so adorable and cheery in here now. We rationalized doing it right now because we won't be here for a week at the end of the month for Thanksgiving, and we won't be here for all of Christmas.. so we needed to see the decor for a month of time and this was the easiest way to do that. Now I just need to gather up my Christmas music selection!

3. Mail! This week was such a great week for mail. As you may recall, I don't get a whole lot of mail, and there are very few things that make me happier than getting letters. The first one came from my sweet cousin Adam (thanks Cherri, too!). It was the most adorable thing, I showed it to every girl I saw on the way to my dorm. He's written BYU on the paper in blue crayon, and it's absolutely adorable. And if things couldn't get any better, I got an awesome package from the ever thoughtful and sweet Dane Brodowski. I loved it! It was just so so sweet. I really appreciated it! Such a great mail week.

4. This one goes out to my adorable zebra Scentsy. I didn't pack it when I came up for college the first time, so when I came back from going home, I made sure to bring it. It's the best! Our dorm smells phenomenal the vast majority of the time (except for a few times... teehee) and we get lots of compliments on it. Plus it's not going to light the place on fire when we forget to turn it off when we leave, which happens quite a bit.

5. BYU Basketball started! I'm so so happy! We went to the game last night, and it was super duper fun. They gave out free shirts to the first 1000 people (I think that was the number), but there weren't shirts on our seats. A guy that we went with ran down to the lower seats and grabbed a bunch, so we all got one! We smoked Fresno State (or Fre-snot as Starlee and I referred to it), and had a blast. Kind of an awkward moment- there were guys sitting behind us but I wanted to stand on the seat to be able to see better, so I turned around to ask him. I couldn't get it attention, so not thinking I more or less laid my hand on his stomach. He looked alarmed.. but I was able to stand on the seat so no bigs.

6. Pedro got baptized! I didn't get to see him very much, which was a huge bummer, but I loved being there to see him get baptized. It was an awesome blessing. I had to bail out immediately to make my flight so I didn't get to talk to him (tear for sure), but it was great to go home and see everyone, along with seeing him make such a great decision. I am so glad that I was able to support him. I love you Pedro! (gfl's for sure.)

7. The Great Major Debate. This has commonly become known in our dorm as the "major of the day," due to the fact that I change what I decide that I want to major in on a daily basis. But I think I've finally found one that I feel so excited about- it seems to be sticking! I hope it'll last more than just these few days though.. haha. So what is the major? (My mom is so happy about this.) History Education.. and then heading on to Law School! I'm so excited for the challenge. I've just got to get to the department center to talk to the advisors and get it all declared. Excited? Yes.

8. The recent collection of old school pictures that have been shared on facebook. Kassie Sminn started the craze, and I have LOVED looking at all of the old pictures of us. I got a nice little collection of them from Dane in my package the other day, and they are just adorable. I wasn't always the cutest kid......... but the memories in them just make me smile so much. So cute!

9. The Relief Society meeting I got the privilege of going to at 8am on a Saturday morning. NOT. The meeting itself wasn't fun, but we had some good times at it I'd say. Played some MASH, learned the incredible skill of text bombing, and got a sweet back scratch courtesy of Ashley Andersen. The meeting really wasn't too beneficial.... not really applicable for us. But as bitter as I was the whole time (which Starlee and Ashley can no doubt attest to), it was not too shabby.

10. My 2nd Geography Exam! I failed the first one (at least that's what I think 50% means....) and it really fired me up to do much better on the 2nd one. I worked really hard on everything between the 2 tests and went into the test with a C instead of the D I had earned. I studied so hard for weeks on end, and just took the test on Thursday. Result- total domination. I owned that test! I won't get my score for a few weeks because the TA's have to grade 300 entirely written tests before they release the scores.. but I feel so great about it. I can do it!

So there we have it. An awesome month :) Also, I'm going to go back to writing this a lot more regularly.