The Rules of Black Friday

I know it's a few days after Black Friday, but I decided it was a better idea to post this after the actual day. That way, not everyone would know our incredible tricks to making the most of this excellent shopping holiday. I figure by the time next Black Friday rolls around, you will have forgotten about this, and we will dominate you in the shopping experience. So here we have it: the set of rules that my mom has taught me, and I will teach. I'm documenting these for posterity.

1. You HAVE to get there early. There is no thrill of shopping without knowing you spent time dedicated to waiting for it. It's rude to show up late and expect the same deals as those who froze their buns to the early morning cement for that $1.96 Bourne Identity movie.

2. Either eat before or after the shopping, not during it. Want to make a pitstop at Jamba Juice or Starbucks on the way? NO. It forces you to either take up a free hand that could be used for digging, or limits your ability to haphazardly throw things into the cart because you could spill your beverage. This year, we tried something new.. cadbury eggs in a ziplock bag, just incase you need a little sugar rush. But DO NOT give one person the bag to carry the whole day, it is best to divide them into little ziplocks for each individual. The chances of finding the designated bag holder are slim, and it takes their hands away too.

3. Plan your trips to the bathroom wisely. There is no worse feeling than knowing that you are missing out on the $3 toaster because you couldn't contain your number 2. My mom actually wore depends this year to help herself out on that one. JOKING. She didn't. But if you really really can't control yourself, it may not be that bad of an idea.

4. Prioritize! The ads the night before are crucial to know what stores you are going to, and to what doorbuster you would like to find first! (doorbuster: an incredible deal that is usually on the first few pages of the ad. you WILL have to fight someone to get these.) Which is more important- the $10 mixed pajama set? Or the $40 Disney Barbie set?! It might help to have other people there to help you. Which brings me to my next point.

5. Team Members. Black Friday shopping alone? Not as easy. Ever heard the term "divide and conquer"? Because it more or less is crucial for a strong shopping experience. My mom had kids for 2 reasons: chores and Black Friday. Where would she be without Callie to sprint to the men's section to grab some flannels? Or me to run with Kassie to find Toy Story 3? I'm thinking I'm going to make some jerseys for next year. Also, I want to start a website for people who must shop alone. They'll be able to rent team members for maximum deals.

6. Dress for Success. Picture this: it's 1:30 in the morning in Palm Springs.. somewhere in the 40's temperature wise. You have to wait outside Kohl's for an hour and a half, but you know once you get inside it will be mega warm due to running people and lack of personal space. Layering is key. Only wear jackets that you can easily remove without messing up the hair-do and you can tie around your waist. This goes back to the having free hands situation. Also, throwing it in the cart is a dangerous move. It might be tossed to the wayside to accommodate for slippers and Wii games. It might help you feel more powerful to hear some power music in the background. Such suggestions include 7 Nation Army by the White Stripes, Eye of the Tiger, and maybe some 50 Cent to get in touch with your inner thug while you shop. Might help you fight people if you need to.

7. Utilize maps. This year, Target put up maps of the store with keys to the doorbusters and what not. GENIUS. Why is this so important? We shopping in Palm Springs this year, which means we were unfamiliar with the store layout. Although we went the day before on a reconnaissance mission (that is not a joke), it's not easy to memorize a new Target. Maps are key.

Well there you have it! Happy deal shopping! Thanks to my mommy for properly instructing me in the ways of Black Friday shopping. Woohoo.